January 2012
25 posts
I am so not okay.
I’m falling apart. And it’s all my own doing. I’m ripping myself to shreds quicker than I thought I could. I’m getting down to the bone, bloody fingers. I’m almost gone. Just one blow to my heart and i’ll be done.
Why?
Everything was going so good, it was so perfect. And then it all crashed and burned. Am I not allowed to be happy? Because that’s what it seems like.
I try so hard to keep everything together, to do things I like, keep myself distracted. I finally found someone who truely makes me happy. For once in my life, I didn’t have to try. I didn’t have to struggle to hold myself...
It’s easy to feel like you’re all alone, to feel like nobody knows.
Listening to Mayday Parade Radio on Pandora
& All Time Low comes on. Like, seriously? I love them, but I want to fucking listen to Mayday, dude. Are you kidding me? But then, The Maine comes on & I’m like, hell yess there’s a step up.
Tonight, I cut for the first time in 4 months. I feel so refreshed & calm. Yet, so disappointed & scared.
I mean, yes, I feel better. But, where is it getting me, really? I’m upsetting the people who love me, and mutilating my body in the process. I’m creating scars that will never go away. I’m putting myself at risk of going back to the hospital. I’m upsetting my...
I will breathe for love tomorrow, ‘cause there’s no hope for today.
And, you’re beautiful, don’t you know?
I take everything day by day, one step at a time. Because you never know what obstacles might be thrown in your way.
“We will never sleep, ‘cause sleep is for the weak. No, we will never rest, til we’re all fucking dead.”
I feel like the ‘we’ that bmth was referring to here was twilight vampires. As we can all tell, they do not sleep.
Or possibly insomniacs like myself.
“I wonder if you can lose weight from laughing. If so, I’m going on a...”
– Me (:
I fucking love the vampire diaries so much.
That awkward moment when you’re watching Breaking Dawn with your grandpa.
I never want to lose you, you mean everything to me. We’ll get through it all, baby, I promise. 121011
In Pennsylvania,
lonelier than ever.