January 2012
25 posts
I am so not okay.
I’m falling apart. And it’s all my own doing. I’m ripping myself to shreds quicker than I thought I could. I’m getting down to the bone, bloody fingers. I’m almost gone. Just one blow to my heart and i’ll be done.
Why?
Everything was going so good, it was so perfect. And then it all crashed and burned. Am I not allowed to be happy? Because that’s what it seems like.
I try so hard to keep everything together, to do things I like, keep myself distracted. I finally found someone who truely makes me happy. For once in my life, I didn’t have to try. I didn’t have to struggle to hold myself...
It’s easy to feel like you’re all alone, to feel like nobody knows.
Listening to Mayday Parade Radio on Pandora
& All Time Low comes on. Like, seriously? I love them, but I want to fucking listen to Mayday, dude. Are you kidding me? But then, The Maine comes on & I’m like, hell yess there’s a step up.
Tonight, I cut for the first time in 4 months. I feel so refreshed & calm. Yet, so disappointed & scared.
I mean, yes, I feel better. But, where is it getting me, really? I’m upsetting the people who love me, and mutilating my body in the process. I’m creating scars that will never go away. I’m putting myself at risk of going back to the hospital. I’m upsetting my...
I will breathe for love tomorrow, ‘cause there’s no hope for today.
And, you’re beautiful, don’t you know?
I take everything day by day, one step at a time. Because you never know what obstacles might be thrown in your way.
“We will never sleep, ‘cause sleep is for the weak. No, we will never rest, til we’re all fucking dead.”
I feel like the ‘we’ that bmth was referring to here was twilight vampires. As we can all tell, they do not sleep.
Or possibly insomniacs like myself.
“I wonder if you can lose weight from laughing. If so, I’m going on a...”
– Me (:
I fucking love the vampire diaries so much.
That awkward moment when you’re watching Breaking Dawn with your grandpa.
I never want to lose you, you mean everything to me. We’ll get through it all, baby, I promise. 121011
In Pennsylvania,
lonelier than ever.
December 2011
68 posts
I’m in New York City so my posts are delayed for a few days. I’ll do all my missed days of my 30 day challenge when I arrive back in Illinois. I love my girlfriend, Delaney, and my best friend, Alyssa.
I just had sex and it felt so good. lmao.
“I didn’t even know it was coming, it just came.”
– Me, to Alyssa.
Challenge #1: Your best friend Write about the person you’re closest to and why you’re closest to them. Tell stories of your friendship and tell them why they’re important to you and tag the person you mentioned in this because it’s always good to be reminded why someone loves you. Challenge #2: Your relationship. If you’re in a relationship, write about the person...
I love you.
The people I love the most in my life are:
Delaney
Alyssa
Dad
Mom
Eric
Gage
Ireland
David
Harley
Amanda
Courtney
Justin Bieber
Day 8: What I ate today
Nothing so far, I’ll probably have some crackers or bread later. (:
“Ow, I just dragged my asshole on your carpet.”
– Me talking to Alyssa
I can't even sleep alone,
Because I feel like my girlfriend belongs next to me. So, I guess I renamed my bear Delaney cos I keep cuddling it and whimpering her name. I miss her so much right now, nobody could even fathom how much I miss her.
Day 7: Five pet peeves
- when people use their hands to talk, but end up hitting and shaking the table while they do so.
- haters
- people who slam their books on their desks
- people chewing with their mouth open.
- people who push things a little too far.
Day 5: My views on mainstream music
Music is music, just because it’s popular and a lot of people like it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t like it. Obviously it’s very likable. I like a lot of mainstream music. Of course, it annoys the hell out of me when I like a song then two months later it’s played on the radio like a gazil times. But, I get over it. (:
I’m falling for her, and it’s the scariest thing in the world.
Day 4: Something you want to say to an ex.
9 month relationship, her name is Carolyn.
I guess I’d want to say that I miss her and I’m sorry that things had to end the way they did. I’d say I still think about her sometimes and I try to only remember the good memories. I’d say I hope some day she finds someone who makes her the happiest girl alive. And I’d say goodbye, because I never got the chance to.
Day 3: Bullet for your whole day
I don’t plan things, I just do them. I prefer to live in the moment, because you never know what crazy things life might throw your way. So, not doing this one, because it isn’t me.